Dr. Yahoo

I always check what Yahoo Astrology has to say about how I should spend the day. Its accuracy is dead-on it’s almost creepy.  It says today:

 

Curb your impulse buying right now — search for value when you go shopping now.

Spend some extra time on your own projects or needs today — your family and coworkers can wait for a while. You do so much for them that they ought to understand your need for time off.

 

Yes, yahoo. Thank you.

 

The curbing of the impulse advice couldn’t come at a better time because I’m feeling really spendy today. And if you can believe it, my brother whom I’ve been wishing ill since Grade 5 gave me an eGC worth (gasp) 500 which isn’t bad.  Despite that single, most surprising generous act of his, I still don’t feel particularly sorry for thinking of him very terribly. It’s just 500 bucks. The ’spend some extra time on your own needs’ pertains to the not giving of any portion of my salary to anyone and I couldn’t agree more. But you’ve got to give my brother credit for the gesture. I may have paid some of the bills but if I’m given a GC, it’s all mine. But look at him. What a kind and generous heart he has!

 

I have no other source of guidance aside from Yahoo and it’s proven to be such a wise advisor on matters of great importance. Last Friday, Yahoo Astrology said this:

 

You’ll need to come out of your shell and show someone who you really are today.

 

I wasn’t feeling very homey last Friday because Friday is the worst and it should be spent elsewhere but home where the family is. So I bug certain friends about going out. But when you go out with single gays, the night can’t possibly end peacefully. It can’t end with all of you going home, drunk and just happy to have shared interesting but always twisted philosophies. Night outs with gays have to be punctuated with some sleaze. Somebody has to end up in some stranger’s bed somewhere and the one who ends up in a cab alone will have the saddest Saturday morning of the week.

 

So I persuaded a friend who’s not much into sleaze to go out, but I didn’t really feel like it even though I already confirmed. So what I felt I had to do was make it seem like he was the one who ruins the plan. I was successful. Everything was supposed to have ended peacefully but I just had to inject a little offense somewhere so that my night can end peacefully. So he texts me ‘Good night’ and I just thought it was so faggy and lame that I felt I had to reply with a curt ‘Fuck You’ just for kicks. It worked. I was very amused by this and I annoyed him to bits. Saturday morning, he sends me a message which basically said that I would never hear from him again. That friend witnessed my coming out of the shell phase and I’m supposed to feel sorry for this but I’m just amazed at Yahoo’s precision. Yahoo Astrology is a messiah.